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Advice for the Lovelorn: It’s Complicated

Question: I love my girlfriend, but she’s so complicated.  Sometimes I have no idea what she’s talking about.  She gets so abstract and psychological; I try to tell her, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.  What should I do?

Chris: So you don’t feel like you understand her all the time.  Do you have to? Now I’m mentally ducking because my women friends are bludgeoning me with dirty looks.  But seriously, you can adjust by not feeling like you have to understand every single thing she tells you, so at least you don’t feel frustrated with her as often.  It won’t always be that way – you could try to ask good questions to get a better feel for what she’s saying.  

Try to show that you’re trying, and paying attention.  Sometimes it’s not the particular understanding, but the listening, the attention, the caring that matter most.  

And please try to share your feelings with her as gently, and as soon, as possible.  If she’s open to it, that will go further to strengthening your closeness than tracking all of her verbal contemplations. See what she wants, and what she needs from you.  That’s the respectful and considerate thing to do. 

Question: I’m 62 and he’s 52. What are the odds?

Answer: How can it be anything but a horrible trap? But let’s not forget how love opens and softens us. You decide.

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